Trauma. That seems to be the "Beginning of The Story" way too often. Well, in my case, I'm no exception to the matter. I started to view my trauma as fuel for my superpower, my motivator. I got into social work because of my history with trauma. Well, let's say I was driven towards social work. Unbeknownst to me, a part of myself steered me down this path.

I mean, like every child you want to become a model, an astronaut, or a world renowned "something"... "Anything." I just knew I wanted to help at least just one person to bring some sort of light into this world.

I always wanted to beat the sound of my own drum. So I became an entrepreneur. I wanted to control my time and my life. I've given up control before and the deal was horrendous. All of me and in return I get a grand prize of trauma. I wanted a place where I could be myself. At one point, I lost all parts of me — that even in my girl group of friends I did not feel like me. The people I am choosing are reflections of me, unconnected to self. With my family, I felt like an outsider. How does one feel like an intruder in their own home?

It was not about what someone can say or do to make me feel better. Also, after several conversations with people, an apology was not enough. I had to figure out what I wanted, what does Shena need, and how can Shena provide that to herself? It was time for me to pick up the pieces and heal myself.

Trauma shapes us in a way where we think we lost everything, but we are everything.

How can I lose the essence of which I was born into, the purpose that is mine, and the spirit that no one else can take from me. After realizing I still had unprocessed trauma from childhood and added trauma from not being able to conceive my son and a hysterectomy at the age of 30. Once again, a decision made without my say in the matter. How can I use this to add to my superpower? So I went to work. I looked inward to remind myself who I was with the practices I use today in my therapy sessions. I stay an Entrepreneur because I have the passion and purpose to help other women see the beauty in themselves and remind them of who they are.

Ask yourself — who would you be without the influences of the people who swayed you from belonging to your true self? Those inner thoughts: are they your thoughts, or your mothers', fathers', an aunt, a partner, or a close friend? Every unwanted thought about yourself are the words someone said out loud to you. How would you perceive yourself if these words were never said to you?

You wrestle with yourself because your inner knowing believes you are a star, but you are scared to embrace it due to limiting beliefs. Love, you are a star.

For some, traditional talk therapy is not enough. I use sound healing, breathwork, and meditation in my therapy sessions for those clients who need just a bit more. These practices not only provide me with an additional self-care skill, but a moment to sit with myself and look into my shadow self. Sound baths, breathing exercises, and meditation assist with regulating the nervous system, connecting you back to your body, and brings you into deep relaxation. Incorporating these mindfulness techniques asks you to trust in yourself again.

Try this with me — close your eyes or keep a low gaze and just breathe. Notice how your breath moves from fast to a resting pace. Notice how you continue to breathe at this resting pace and your shoulders start to drop, your face is no longer fixed. You just allowed yourself a moment of stillness and self love. You connected with yourself just by breathing.

I do this for moments like this. For the love of therapy.

Entering the therapy room is enough pressure as it is, because you enter an environment with a person who does not know you. However, you are trusting this person to make it all better. You are hoping that by leaving the therapy room or logging off the computer everything will be fixed. I've been asked countless times if I can just make things better. If I can make the problem go away.

Therapists do not hold a magic wand and make things better. You do.

Truth is you lost confidence in yourself and you became a harsh critic to yourself based on the people around you and life circumstances. I am here to tell you — you are the star in and out of the therapy room. Your low enthusiasm has caused you to look at therapy as a one time fix-all with a 3 week fix. Therapy works, but it is based on what you do outside the therapy room.

I get it. It is annoying having another adult tell you what you need to do for homework like you are back in school. This time you have a choice on whether you want to do it or not. That choice reflects the growth of your progress in therapy. Everything you need is within you. Extra skills and insight was provided to you by the therapist based on your needs. You are the star. You are the magic that makes it happen. Proceed with enthusiasm and a positive outlook to find the results you need.

Three tips to get back motivated for therapy

Talk therapy is beneficial in many ways. Talk therapy helps discover the root and the cause of presenting triggers and symptoms that linger from past trauma or experiences. And with talk therapy, a sense of awareness is created. Awareness in your triggers, awareness of your symptoms, awareness of the subconscious thoughts, and awareness of your shadow self. In awareness, you learn to accept and change behaviors that are not helping you grow. You learn to change your thoughts. This is called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The focal point is on the mind. A neck up approach.

Coaching is different. Coaching is a service that is usually done after therapy, or can be done if your needs are not meant to heal from past trauma, and treat your mental health. Coaching does not diagnose. Coaching focuses on goals and growth. Take a look at where you are now and where you want to go, that is a mindset and strategy approach. This approach still focuses on the brain.

Where does Integrative work come into play? Integrative work is a bottom up approach. A bottom up approach is not just neck to mind, think of it as looking at a person from their feet first, then to their mind. Talk therapy and coaching looks at the person whole based on environment and circumstances but, integrative work, works on the whole person by connecting an individual to their body as well as environment and circumstances. Think about where you are holding anxiety and stress in your body. Sound baths, breathing exercises, somatic work, and chakra based work are tools to connect you back to your body. These practices combined with therapy or coaching creates a holistic healing atmosphere of mind, body, and spirit.

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